- Keep your communications very close
- Low key flirting will be a big help
- Be vulnerable about your fears, struggles and goals
- Take you place as #1 cheerleader in his life
- Accept time and timing as your best friends
Build a Private Line of Communication
Completely eliminate any communication via channels where others can observe his responses to you. In other words, keep it off Facebook!
Then ensure you have at least one private method for communicating with him directly. Text messaging is the most common method..
Why not communicate on social media channels like Facebook?
Because your shared privacy releases him from the human compulsion to remain consistent. We don’t like to appear inconsistent. Psychologists call this “the consistency bias.” Once we have publicly committed to something (like a breakup) we feel foolish showing any sign that we are wavering or may have even made the wrong decision.
So your job is to completely remove that threat by dropping any communication in public settings. Don’t talk to him in front of the kids. Don’t talk to him in front of your friends or his friends. Don’t ask him to meet you in a public place for coffee and a chat.
He probably won’t notice you’re not communicating with him publicly. Without realizing why, he’ll feel more open to exploring where things could go with you.
Send him a pleasant message once every few days. Something you think he would find interesting, funny, or exciting. Nothing about your relationship. No convincing. None.
Sending these kinds of messages will gradually condition him have a pleasurable rush of dopamine when he sees he has a message from you. Do this privately. No copying anyone else, right?
He will appreciate you keeping things just between the two of you. Be careful with how you interact with him in public too. No flirting for others to notice! He will soon become hungry for you. He will begin to help rebuild the relationship.
Be Vulnerable about Struggles, Fears and Goals
If you are honest about goals you care about, and the struggles that block your way, it naturally triggers his hero instinct. It increases the chances that he’ll want to come to your rescue in big or small ways.
Step up as his #1 Cheerleader
We all want someone to have our back. We all crave validation more than we are willing to admit. He’ll never tell you that. But it will work like spreading soft butter!
Your private line of communication (texting is best) is the perfect opportunity for him to complain about anyone or anything that’s getting in his way. When he’s your ex, use every method of showering him with respect. Men confuse the emotional sensations they get from love and respect
If forced to choose, they would rather feel respected than loved. You crave the reverse, but don’t think he works with a woman’s wiring. It may feel counter-intuitive, but it’s effective. Your attitude toward him and anything he does draws respect from you and he’ll love your for it.
Time and Timeliness Are Your Best Tools
Feeling pressured to fix things fast is the worst culprit.
Don’t respond to the pressure of wanting to make things better, faster. It is key to gradually break down the walls he has. Give it enough time. Know that the opportunity to see him in person will arise. Best to let it be his idea, you know.
The key to accomplishing that is to believe that time is on your side. He’s already pulled away from you. That’s done. Now you need time because it works day and night to gradually break down the emotional walls he has built up.
Give a man and a woman enough time together, and something’s bound to spark romantic feelings . Give it enough time, and your private line of communication will eventually present you with an opportunity to see each other again face-to-face.
When that opportunity comes along, promote your goals with long, deep eye contact. Pair your eyes with your mouth. . .eyes open/mouth closed!
Silence carries great power between lovers. It stimulates emotion in ways that bypass words. Also plan to wear something he hasn’t seen you in before. This is a good way to dim the woman he knew in the past. Maybe you’ll skip the jeans and wear a skirt.